Do bicyclists need condoms?

Because, to riff on Team America, some people turn into dicks behind the wheel.

And here’s a safety metaphor for you: bike lanes (the protected, barriered sort) are the condoms of the streets.

Yes, many bicycle riders are pussies who don’t like those dicks being so close without a protective barrier. Most would-be riders are pussies too.

Admittedly, some bike riders are arseholes. They get very close to the pussies. They feel that pussies are encroaching on their territory. But even the arseholes need protection from the dicks.

Now, if there’s some kind of physical barrier protecting everyone from the dicks, it’s safe for everyone to go on being dicks or arseholes or pussies as they please.

Most pussies have been abstinent too long. Vive the pussies.

(All credit to Trey Parker and Matt Stone.)


A contraceptive helmet-pill? Your choice. But it won’t protect you from syphilis or AIDS.

The condoms of the streets – now available textured.


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